


Don't need to wipe tears, I've grown up

by nofeartina



Series: Rearranged [2]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Bottom Even, Even takes care of Isak, Handholding, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, POV Even, Recreational alcohol and drug abuse, Self-Medication, Top Isak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-13 16:02:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11763402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nofeartina/pseuds/nofeartina
Summary: Even can’t believe his luck. He’s finally with Isak. It’s like a dream come true. Well… mostly.Sometimes it’s really not. Sometimes he’s struggling to understand, to do what’s right. To be what Isak needs.Sometimes nothing makes sense, and so little of what makes themthemis easy.But that’s fine with Even, he isn't there for it to be easy. He’s done that already.He just sometimes wishes that it wasn't so hard.





	1. Sometimes it’s trying to figure out how to communicate with each other

**Author's Note:**

> First of all I want to start this note with saying thank you. The way you all received Bound Two made me so, so happy and overwhelmed in the best of ways. You guys are the absolute best! <3
> 
> But for some reason, the popularity was also the reason why this second part has been a long time coming. Because I’m lame like that.
> 
> Anyhoo!!!! Enough about my insecurities, let’s get on with it!
> 
> This is from Even’s POV, and it’s formatted differently than what I would normally do, but I wanted to try something else to get comfortable in Even’s head. The chapters are short and they will be posted regularly.
> 
> Fair warning! If you haven’t read Bound Two, then this won’t make much sense, so you really should go do that before reading this…
> 
> I want to thank my beta Mornmeril for doing such a wonderful job as always! <3
> 
> As always I hope you enjoy!

**Sometimes it’s trying to figure out how to communicate with each other**

Even spends a long time looking at Isak sleeping. He sort of feels like a creeper, but that doesn’t stop him. Every time he’s about to close his eyes, he has to open them again, just one more time, has to check that this is real. That after all this time wanting exactly this, it’s finally happened.

Isak Valtersen is lying there in his bed. Sleeping. Looking and acting so soft that Even can’t believe his luck. He’s exactly like he always hoped him to be.

Isak sure does sleep a lot. And of course Even has noticed the bags under his eyes up until now, has heard him say it without _saying_ it. How he has trouble sleeping. And everything in Even wants to reach out to Isak, wants to take care of him and this is definitely one of the first steps towards doing that. Just letting Isak sleep, comfortable in his bed, on his couch, in his arms. The pang in his heart when Isak sleeps pressed against his chest is almost painful. It’s almost too much how Isak seems to trust him already.

Even will go to hell and back before he does something to break that trust.

This week has been perfection.

He feels like the luckiest guy alive that he’s the one that Isak wants to be with. But now it’s almost the weekend again, and he’s a little bit afraid of what it will bring. How it will affect them to leave this happy little bubble they’ve created in his apartment. There’s just been them, no one else. And Even is worried, because he knows that Isak will want to go out and he’s not sure where that leaves them.

He knows that they need to talk. Even really wants to do this right, wants Isak to know that he expects things from him, that he’s not just going to be a pushover. He wants Isak so, so bad, but he wants him to _be_ with him. He’s not going to get his heart broken by Isak, not if he has any say in it.

So on Saturday morning, Even reluctantly leaves the bed to get ready for work, and he starts making them breakfast in his tiny kitchen.

It doesn’t take long for a sleep-rumpled Isak to come into the kitchen looking a little lost and so fucking cute that Even almost can’t stand it. He lets the pull towards Isak overtake him, has to kiss the pout off his lips, has to touch his hair. Isak smiles at him and Even’s heat melts. Isak smiling first thing in the morning is too much.

So he turns around and finishes up the eggs and the toast and a little while later he’s setting down two full plates of food on the table. He sits down opposite of Isak, makes sure their ankles touch, and starts to eat.

Isak immediately digs in, still so overwhelmed, it seems, by the home cooked meals. It hurts Even to think about how neglected this boy is. And he knows that he’s only scratched the surface of this neglect, has only heard the most superficial things about what he’s been through. Even wants to fight everybody who’s hurt Isak, wants to do unspeakable things to them. How could they ever hurt this perfect boy sitting across from him? He will never understand it.

"So I guess we need to talk," Even says, and knows he sounds too serious compared to the general mood of the morning. But he needs to set this straight, needs to do this.

"This past week has been great, and I'm so happy to be with you," and he pauses to take a sip of coffee, before he continues. "But I think we need to set up some ground rules to make sure we do this right."

Even can see Isak swallow, he looks nervous but determined, and nods at Even to continue.

"I don't know if you've been in a relationship before, but I was with Sonja for 6 years before you. If there's one thing I've learned from that, it’s that you need to have your expectations cleared before you get too involved." And Even wants to laugh at that, like he isn’t already too involved.

Isak nods and just before Even continues he says in a low voice, "I have."

Even raises his eyebrows questioningly which makes Isak continue.

"Been in a relationship before. It’s been a while though."

And he looks almost shy about it like he's not sure he should have admitted that, and Even is so infatuated that he almost can't stand it.

"Okay. Then you understand why we need this talk." Even says and tries to sound like an adult about it. But he’s so filled with questions about this relationship that he almost loses the thread of the conversation. He just wants to know more about Isak, no matter what, it seems.

Even takes a deep breath and plunges into it. "I can't be with you if you hook up with other people. That’s a deal breaker for me."

He needs a few seconds of staring down at his breakfast before he has the courage to look at Isak and gage his reaction to this. He’s so fucking nervous that Isak will find this ridiculous and scoff at him, but Even just can’t do it, can’t be with him if Isak wants to be with other men.

But Isak surprises him, looks like he takes Even serious, and doesn’t even seem to consider what Even just said to be a deal breaker for him.

"I need to be able to study. That is my first priority. And..." he looks so nervous, but pushes through. "I’m still going to drink and get high. I don't want you to stop me doing that."

Even nods.

"Just as long as you come to me for the sex," he says, trying to lighten the mood.

"I can do that."

And Even is so grateful when Isak smiles at him, a real smile, with dimples and everything. Even almost melts at the sight of Isak, sleepy and comfortable, just sitting there, not even knowing how badly he affects Even.

Even can’t help it, he gets up, falls to his knees in front of Isak, kisses him like his life depended on it. And then he sucks his dick, just to make sure that Isak understands it.

Nothing like a blowjob in the morning to seal the deal.

 

 


	2. Sometimes it’s wondering why other people care about their relationship

**Sometimes it’s wondering why other people care about their relationship**

Even’s standing in line in the cafeteria, trying to figure out what sandwich to pick. He normally brings his own lunch, but Isak had stayed at his place last night and he just wasn’t able to leave the bed in time to go make it today.

He can’t help it, something about having Isak in his bed makes his stomach flutter. He’s so deep into this boy already he’s almost ashamed of it.

Two guys get in line behind him, deep in a discussion Even doesn’t notice at first. It’s not until he hears Isak’s name being mentioned that he starts paying attention.

“So I heard that Isak and that guy have been seeing each other for a while.”

And Even can’t help but look at them, surprised. Is this actually something that’s being discussed around campus? At the same time he can’t help the heat that spreads through his body at how people seem to know that Isak and him are together. He really likes that it’s not a secret anymore.

Guy 1 takes a sandwich and says, “I mean, it’s probably not true. Isak has been around, if you know what I mean.” And he pauses here to throw a significant glance at his friend, and Even feels himself getting angry. “There’s no way he would settle down.”

“I don’t know,” Guy 2 says and looks at the selection of sandwiches pondering. “I mean Isak’s a total catch. I think it’s kind of romantic if he has a boyfriend now.”

Even immediately likes Guy 2 better.

“Are you kidding me? That guy is way too fucked up to be able to be in a relationship. I’m kind of sorry for the boyfriend, dude probably thinks he can save him or some shit like that.”

They look at each other and laugh and then they turn to Even who’s just standing there, staring at them quite obviously. He’s frozen, has so many things he wants to say to them, starting with how inappropriate they’re being and he can feel himself getting so fucking angry that he doesn’t even have any _words_.

“Are you going to move or can we cut in front of you?” Guy 1 says and Even just blinks at them. His mind is a whirl. His fists are clenched, and he fights to get his body back under control.

In the end he doesn’t follow through, just nods his head for them to pass him. Even’s not really a violent guy, never has been. After standing there for a few more seconds he ends up leaving without getting anything to eat.

\--||--

Even hasn’t heard from Isak all week. He’s completely confused as to why. They didn’t have a fight, he’s pretty sure he hasn’t said anything stupid to turn Isak off him.

He doesn’t quite know what to do when Isak gets like this. When he gets hard to reach. So Even lets him be. Just for a little while longer. He decides to give him a couple of days more before he hunts him down to demand answers.

But then Even spots him across campus. Even just stays where he is, can’t stop looking at Isak standing there with his friends, unable to hide his frown. Even doesn't want it to be like this. He feels his fingers tingle like they do when Isak is within reach.

He desperately wishes he could go to Isak, put his arms around him, kiss him like he's missed him. Because he has. He never not misses him, he wants to be with him all the time. And it hurts that Isak doesn't feel the same way.

Sure, Even knows that he has to tread lightly when it comes to Isak. That Isak isn't used to the attention a boyfriend gives him. But Even isn't even sure that Isak has told his friends about him, that they even know that Isak isn't available to fuck around with anymore. And that pains Even.

He's afraid what they might encourage Isak to do when he's high and drunk, when Even's not there to take care of him.

He watches them from afar until they look like they’re ready to leave. Then he can’t stop his legs from moving towards Isak. His long legs takes him there in no time, and he reaches the group just as they are about to enter the science building.

Even calls out his name, softly, hoping that Isak will hear it. He does, turns his head in an instant and looks pleased to see him.

He smilingly tells the others that he’ll catch up, constantly looking at Even, his eyes eating him up. And the way Isak looks at him sends shivers down his spine. Makes him loosen up and return his smile. He can’t help the surge of emotions that pass through him, the biggest being relief. He almost doesn’t notice the weird glances he gets from Isak’s friends who are pausing on the stairs, just looking at them. Like they can’t believe what they’re seeing.

But Isak pays them no mind, descends the couple of stairs that’s dividing them and goes to Even. He pecks Even on the lips, and it’s not a real kiss and it’s hard to discern any kind of feeling from it, but Even doesn’t object. He understands that Isak might not be comfortable to kiss like _that_ in front of everybody. But just that small peck makes Even incredibly happy, makes his stomach flutter and he can’t help but throw a glance at Isak’s friends over Isak’s shoulder.

They’re still staring at them, unabashedly. And Even doesn’t stop himself from giving them a shit-eating grin, raised eyebrows and all, like he’s saying, _yeah, this is a thing that’s happening now_. He knows he shouldn’t do it, but he can’t help but stake his claim over Isak a bit. His friends just rub him the wrong way, somehow.

Isak grabs his attention again by saying, “Sorry, I know I’ve been a horrible boyfriend this last week, but I had this big test to study for.”

And he looks so cute and sheepish and Even can’t help but smile at him and lean into him further.

“It’s fine, Isak. Just maybe tell me the next time,” he says and tries to pretend like his whole week hasn’t been ruined by not knowing.

But everything’s forgotten as Isak nods at him and leans in to kiss him again. This time, it’s with a bit more feeling.  

 


	3. Sometimes it’s one step forward and two steps back

**Sometimes it’s one step forward and two steps back**

Even is at a party. He knows that Isak is supposed to be here, or at least join him here at some point during the night. They hadn’t made any definite plans, but Isak should get here eventually.

But Even isn’t looking for him. Not yet at least.

Even is trying to have fun with his own friends. He’s enjoying the banter and the teasing and the fact that none of them care that he’s with Isak. Or care about who Isak is, or used to be.

He just loves them so much, especially as it seems everybody and their mother have an opinion about Isak and Even being boyfriends.

The news has just kind of exploded through campus by now and he feels so strange about it. Almost like he’s back at school with its stupid hierarchy. It makes him want to hide away from it, makes him feel exposed. He never imagined it being like this when he decided to pursue Isak.

And when Isak and his group of friends enter the party it kind of feels like a bad teen drama. It’s like people are parting the way for them on the dance floor, making room for them to swagger their way through the crowd, to the other side of the room.

Even notices Isak right away. He’s at the front of the group, somehow looking like the leader even though Even knows that Isak would never point to himself as being anything of the sort. It almost seems like they’re just kind of pushing Isak in front of them. It makes Even question what kind of friends these people are. If one can even call them friends.

Even lets them settle into the party. Keeps to his own friends, happy just to be the observer for now. Like he’s been for so long. But he’s constantly casting glances over there, trying to notice how Isak is doing, what his friends are doing. And what he sees has him worried.

Isak looks fucked up. He’s so out of it that it almost looks like he’s having trouble standing. He’s looking off to the side, completely disinterested in what’s going on around him. In the party. In his friends. In whoever comes over to talk to him.

“Isn’t that your boy?” Yousef asks, nodding at Isak and sounding a bit worried.

Even nods back at him, and can’t help but frown.

He doesn’t even think about it, his feet carry him in Isak’s direction of their own volition. Until he gets there, standing at the outer circle of the group, who doesn’t seem to notice him. Or at least doesn’t seem to want to let him in. But Isak is right _there_ , so close by, almost within reach. And Even just wants to reach out for him.

He takes one step forward, totally focused on Isak who looks like he’s about to keel over, and his fingers tingle from the proximity and he can almost feel the phantom warmth of Isak in his arms. He takes another step, but then he’s stopped by an arm.

And it’s almost like some other scene from a bad teenage drama. His eyes follow the arm slowly up until he’s looking into the face of a brown-haired someone who looks exasperated.

“Who are you?” he says, and looks at Even like he’s dirt.

Even flushes with anger and embarrassment. He _knows_ that the guy knows. He’s seen Even a few times by now, enough for him to know full well who Even is. Even just raises his eyebrows at him in challenge, and pushes his arm out of the way.

He glances at Isak, who isn’t even looking his way. Completely oblivious to what’s going on in his periphery, due to drugs and alcohol.

And suddenly Even feels so betrayed. It shouldn’t be this hard to go to his boyfriend. He’s so annoyed at everything, wants this guy to disappear and let him go to Isak like his entire body is urging him to do. Wants Isak to notice him and let him know that he wants him there as well.

But none of that happens. Instead the guy must notice the disappointment on Even’s face and he smirks at it. He looks Even up and down, checking him out, making Even’s skin crawl.

Then he leans in close to Even, much closer than Even would ever want him to be, and says into his ear, “I don’t think Isak is good for anything right now. I wouldn’t mind taking his place.”

And Even has to take a step away from him, can’t hide the disgust on his face. He wants to shout, to do _something_ to get this sticky feeling out of his mind from that proposition.

Instead the guy sneers, leans back into him, making sure Even can hear him over the music, making Even shake with some kind of unidentified feeling.

“I don’t know what everybody sees in Golden Boy over there, but I’ll be here when you find out there’s nothing really there for you,” he says and looks as ugly on the outside as he is on the inside.

Even’s stomach sinks. Makes him ache for Isak even more. Because Even is starting to realise, really starting to _see,_ that these guys aren’t Isak’s friends at all. They just hang around him for the attention it brings them. And that leaves Isak without any support system at all. Totally abandoned by everybody, even his family as far as Even can tell.

His heart aches for this boy, for his boy. And he knows that he has to be his support system from now on. That he has to be the best he can possibly be, to make sure that Isak knows how much he’s worth, to help him understand that he doesn’t _have_ to be alone. Not anymore. Not if Even has anything to say about it.

So Even pushes past the guy, through the group of friends, aggressively and surely, until he reaches Isak. And then he slows down, gets gentle, puts his hands on Isak’s shoulders, his cheeks, pushing hair away from his sweaty forehead. And Even is doing his best to ignore the so-called friends who’re blatantly looking at the display Even is apparently making.

He’s so fucking relieved when he sees recognition in Isak’s eyes. And it’s not long after that that they leave.

Together. Just the two of them. As it should be.

 

 


	4. Sometimes it’s bad days and bad nights

**Sometimes it’s bad days and bad nights**

Isak is shivering, sleepless, barely responding to Even.

Even is so fucking worried, but he doesn’t know what’s wrong, Isak won’t _talk_ to him.

It’s getting worse and worse, but Even’s asked him to not spend time with those people. Those _friends_. To find somebody else, if he needed to go party. And Isak has tried, Even has noticed him trying to stay away, brush past them on his way through campus. Even though those guys made it hard for him, followed him, demanded answers that Isak didn’t want to give. And somehow that made Even feel _horrible_. That he’s the type of boyfriend to dictate who his boyfriend can spend time with.  

Unfortunately, it seems that Isak doesn’t really know anybody else. And Even can see it in him, how badly he wants to go, how badly he needs to find release.

Even would offer, but he doesn’t drink or smoke himself, afraid to fuck up his medication when he’s just started seeing Isak. And he knows that Isak would never be comfortable drinking with Even’s friends or somebody he doesn’t really know. It just wouldn’t be the same for him.

He’s told Even, whispered like a big secret, that those guys knew him, made sure he got home when he got too wasted. The first group of friends that he’s had who never judged him, never wished for him to change.

And if that isn’t a punch to the stomach, then Even doesn’t know what is.

Even reaches for him, tries to make him come, but Isak is uninterested. He seems numb but he’s still soft in his behaviour towards Even. Still cuddles with him, still touches him like he wants to touch.

And that simultaneously makes Even’s heart hurt and feel bigger at the same time.

Even knows he can’t do this to him. He’s taking everything away from Isak, every coping mechanism he knows works for him. He knows how it feels like not to be able to do the things that make you feel better. He can’t be that person to Isak who takes it all away from him like that. Although he knows that those guys are bad news, that they’re not really Isak’s friends, anything is better than this.

So he takes Isak’s hands in his, takes a deep breath and just says it.

“I’m sorry, Isak.”

And Isak looks at him confused and scared. The first real emotions he’s seen in him in a while.

Even soldiers through it, doesn’t stop to comfort Isak, “I’m sorry I asked you to stay away. I’m sorry I don’t have a good alternative for you.” And he squeezes Isak’s hand harder, tries to stop them from shaking. “Go to them, baby. Go do your thing. I’ll be here waiting for you when you feel better.”

And Isak just sits there looking at him for a long time. Eyes searching his face, probably looking for how true Even’s words are.

Even can’t help but lean in and put his forehead against Isak’s.

“I hate seeing you like this, baby. Especially when I know that I’m to blame for it,” he whispers.

Isak smiles at him. But when he speaks his voice is sad. “This isn’t really your fault. It’s not you who’s making me feel bad, Even.”

And then he leans into Even, kisses him like he means it, puts his hands on Even’s cheeks, and just keeps him there. Makes it so he can’t escape.

When he leans back he looks at Even for a while. His eyes flitting between Even’s, and his thumbs are rubbing over Even’s cheek bones. He leans in to kiss him again, briefly, barely a kiss, before he gets up.

He’s gone within minutes, leaving Even there, without looking back even once.

\--||--

Even counts the hours that pass, so he knows that it’s been exactly 32 since he last saw him when he resurfaces.

He’s still high, still drunk, but he’s at least not completely wasted. Even didn’t really know what to expect, but he’s guessing that this is a best case scenario.

Isak is standing there in the doorway, looking so good that Even almost can’t stand it. He just wants to reach over and pull him in, just wants to live in this boy’s arms. But he doesn’t. He lets Isak make the first move, unsure of where this leaves them. If Isak is angry with him. Which he should be.

Even is so angry at himself for treating Isak like that, so he’s almost just waiting for the fall out.

They end up standing there for a while, just looking at each other. And Even wishes he had something he could say that would end this standoff. But his nerves are tightening his throat, making it impossible for him to speak.

Isak finally takes a step forward, a step closer, and he looks and sounds so unsure when he says, “Can I come in?”

And just like that Even’s done. He follows his gut, fists Isak’s shirt in his hands and pulls him into him. Tightens his grip on him to the point where it must be uncomfortable for Isak, but he doesn’t object, just puts his own arms around Even.

Even just buries his head in Isak’s neck, breathes him in, can’t help but feel comforted in a way he doesn’t really want to examine, by the smell of weed and alcohol that lingers on Isak.

“I’m sorry I left you,” is what Isak whispers into his hair. So quietly that Even isn’t really sure that he’s meant to hear it.

He squeezes his eyes shut even tighter, tightens his arms around Isak further and fights the tears that threaten to spill over.  

When will this boy ever learn that Even fucking up has absolutely nothing to do with him?

“Jesus, Isak. Don’t apologise, never apologise to me that you need these things to function, okay?”

He leans back so he can look into Isak’s eyes. Needs for him to see how much he really means it.

“It’s me who should be apologising, I fucked up so bad.”

Isak is immediately shaking his head, and Even can’t stand how this boy seems so used to taking the blame, to feel the guilt. He _hates_ it. With every fibre of his being.

Isak goes back to clinging to him and Even lets him. Doesn’t waste energy feeling bad about it. Even though he should be a better boyfriend, should be better for Isak. Should fucking know better.

Should give Isak up. But he just can’t do that. He’s too selfish.

 

 

 


	5. Sometimes it’s so fucking hot that he thinks he’s going to die

**Sometimes it’s so fucking hot that he thinks he’s going to die**

Even wakes up to the sound of someone banging on his door. He gets out of bed disoriented, having already been asleep for a while, not really expecting anybody at this hour.

As he opens the door Isak stumbles into him, drunk and smelling of weed, and Even barely catches him, somehow manages to put his arms around him just in time and the movement makes Isak’s snapback fall off.

Isak starts kissing him right away, his hands are already moving on Even’s body. And Even responds immediately, just like _that_ his body is on fire and his dick is waking up, getting hard faster than what should be possible. He’s not a fucking teenager anymore.

Somehow he manages to shut the door behind them, still has enough presence of mind to not put on a show for all his neighbours. As soon as the door closes Isak pushes Even against it, keeps kissing him, frantic, but somehow still completely in control. And Isak like this sends shivers down Even’s spine. He fucking loves it.

Isak pulls Even’s dick out, wastes no time getting down on his knees and, without further ado, he just swallows him down.

Even’s fingers try to find purchase against the door, sliding along the surface uselessly. And he’s _dying_. Isak is so good at this. He notices him expertly getting condoms and lube out of his pocket while keeping his dick in his mouth, and Even wants it so bad, wants Isak’s fingers in him, wants to feel the delicious stretch of his dick inside of him.

Even pushes at Isak, pulls his dick out of his mouth and turns around so he’s facing the door. He doesn’t even pretend he’s not just as desperate as Isak, just pushes his sleep pants down his thighs and arches his back so his ass is on display for Isak.

Isak’s lips are wet against his neck, his breath is hot against his ear, while his fingers are methodical and efficient in opening him up.  And Even loves it. He loves how Isak’s fingers feel, how the pads of his fingers are rough in just the right way when they rub against his prostate. Loves how he can make him feel _so much_ with so little.

He’s so gone on how good Isak is doing him, so lost in the feeling that he barely knows how many fingers are in him already, when he starts hearing the sound of Isak opening his pants. He registers the crinkle of the condom wrapper and flushes from head to toe with anticipation. He definitely loves what comes next.

Isak fucking him is the most addicting thing he’s ever experienced in his life. Fuck drugs. Fuck alcohol. This. This glorious specimen of a dick, beautiful in its own way, just makes Even feel fucking fantastic. He never knew it could be like this.

He eagerly spreads his legs as far as he can and arches his back even more for Isak. Knows Isak loves the pretty picture he paints doing that. He’s rewarded with a soft _fuck!_ falling from Isak’s lips and Even whines with how desperate he is right now for Isak’s dick.

As soon as Isak places the tip against his hole and starts pushing in, Even is done for. His eyes rolls back in his head at how fucking fantastic it feels. He lives for the breach, how Isak making room inside of him feels, burning and stretching.

He pants and whines his way through Isak pushing in, Isak’s hands on his hips, holding him steady. Until he’s all the way in, impossibly close and so fucking big inside of Even he has to grit his teeth. He will never get used to how big Isak feels inside of him. But that’s part of the pleasure for him.

Isak doesn’t let up, gives him no time to get used to him, knows by now how Even prefers it. That little bit of a sharp edge to the fucking really gets him going.  And Isak doesn’t treat him like he’s made of porcelain, doesn’t hold back, trusts Even when he tells him that he can be rough with him. That he prefers it that way.

So Isak starts moving immediately. Pulls back and pushes into him, not exactly roughly, but not gently either. It pushes a loud moan out of Even. Makes him sweat in his sleep clothes. The second thrust is a lot harder. Isak uses Even’s hips to pull him back against him, counteracts his own movement, making them meet in the middle and it’s overwhelmingly good the way that makes Isak’s dick reach impossibly further into him.

And then Isak really gets going. Even rests his head on his forearms, completely overwhelmed by how good Isak is fucking him. His thrusts are hard, his pushes are rough, his fingers are leaving marks on his hips. And Even loves it, is so gone on this, on how this boy manages to take his breath away with every shove of his hips.

Even can barely hear anything over the roar of blood in his ears and the loud noise of skin slapping hard against each other. His dick is bobbing along with the movement, rock hard and dripping precum onto the floor. Almost a steady stream by now, and it’s almost painful how he leaves it hanging there, untouched, unnoticed.

But Even is so fucking close, just from how rough Isak is fucking into him. If he touches himself it’s game over, just like that, so he keeps his hands away.

He feels Isak’s thrust turn more desperate, less coordinated. In one vicious shove, Isak reaches so deep inside of him, deeper than Even ever remembers him being and he feels Isak’s dick jump inside of him, and Even knows that Isak is coming. The noises Isak is making pushes Even so much closer, just on the verge of falling, he’s so goddamn hot and sweaty and _desperate_ by now, but he wants Isak to be able to finish in peace.

But before Isak can finish completely he reaches around Even. As soon as his hand closes around Even’s dick, Even knows that he’s a goner. It only takes Isak two strokes before Even shoots all over the door in front of him.

Isak slumps into him, and he in turn slumps against the door. Both are drained and exhausted and come-stupid. Even tries to turn his head enough for him to be able to kiss Isak, but it’s just not possible from this angle.

Isak gently pulls out of him and turns him over. Isak smiles at him softly, lovingly, before he catches his lips and Even can’t stop himself from kissing back full of awe.

And this, this is everything.

 

 


	6. Sometimes it’s worrying and getting answers he doesn’t know he wants

**Sometimes it’s worrying and getting answers he doesn’t know he wants**

Isak is sitting on the kitchen counter watching Even cook for him. He’s slowly drinking a beer, but it’s not to get drunk this time, it’s just a pre-dinner beer and Even’s having one as well. He’s following Even’s every move, asking him all sorts of questions about what Even is doing and what he’s cooking. And Even is eating it up.

Even’s not even cooking anything complicated, just a simple pasta dish that he’s made a million times before, but he’s surprised by how little Isak knows about cooking. He answers patiently though, doesn’t really care what they’re talking about, as long as Isak keeps sitting there looking deliciously at home and like he belongs.

But when Isak asks him if the water has to boil before you add the pasta Even can’t help but laugh a bit and incredulously say, “Didn’t your mother teach you anything about cooking?”

And he can tell instantly that somehow that was the wrong thing to say. Isak freezes and looks away from Even.

Even can feel Isak’s walls come back up and he stops everything he’s doing so he can just look at him, and he wants to turn the clock back so he somehow would be able to say something _different_ to keep the mood relaxed. He hates seeing Isak like this, all closed off.

Isak shrugs, takes too long to answer for it to be a coincidence and then he says in mock casualness, “My mother isn’t really one to cook.”

And Even moves a bit closer to him. Can’t help but try to get a bit more information out of him, now that it seems they’ve touched upon a subject that might answer some of his questions.

“Okay. Can I ask why?” His voice is low, he doesn’t want to scare Isak into closing off completely.

Isak finally looks at him. He looks at Even like he’s trying to assess how much he should tell him. And Even tries to communicate with his eyes that Isak can tell him _anything_. He’ll safeguard whatever secrets Isak wants to tell him. He’s sure of it.

“She’s sick. Like really sick. Has been for a long time,” he finally says and it’s so goddamn obvious how that is only a half-truth and Even almost wants to shake him, he just wants to know it all. But it’s clear that Isak doesn’t want to talk about this anymore.

“And your dad?” he pushes instead. Has to take another step closer to Isak, just to keep his body busy, to not show how frustrated he’s becoming.

Isak laughs a tired laugh. He looks almost angry at that question and takes another sip of his beer before he says, “Well. Let’s just say he abandoned us. It’s just been my mum and me since I was 16. But even before that we weren’t really the perfect family so to say. He always had some kind of excuse not to be home too much, so he definitely didn’t teach me how to cook anything. He was never around long enough for him to teach me anything but how to mistreat the people you’re supposed to care about.”

He sounds so fucking bitter, looks so resigned, and Even can’t help but think that that explains a lot.

“Do you live with your mum still? Is that why I haven’t been to your place?” Even asks, and tries to make it sound teasing, tries to lighten the mood.

He hates seeing Isak like this, and even though he really wants to know, he wants the relaxed atmosphere back from a few minutes ago even more. It’s just been one of the things that have bothered him; the fact that they’re always in his apartment, that Isak’s never even invited him to see where he lives. He’s just been unsure how to bring it up.

Isak scoffs and smiles a half-smile at him. And Even’s chest bursts with happiness that it seems to have worked, at least a little bit. Isak still has trouble looking him in the eye though.

“No, I don’t live with my mum.” He takes a deep breath, pauses just a tad too long for it not to be intentional, before he says, “She’s in a facility.”

Isak glances at Even, as if to gage his reaction to this, but Even makes sure that his face stays the same.

That comment leaves Even with about a million more questions, but Isak doesn’t give more information. He looks up at Even then, for real, and smiles a bit at him.

“You haven’t been to my place because it’s small as fuck, and yours is infinitely nicer,” he says taking the bait, sounding happier, and pulls Even in-between his legs, signalling the end to that conversation.

Even can certainly get behind this, even if he’s almost dying of curiosity. He puts his hands on Isak’s thighs and makes more room for himself between them. And Isak fits so perfectly there, on his kitchen counter, looking so kissable and domestic. He tucks his feet behind Even’s knees and pulls at Even until his body is flush against Even’s.

Even wants to tease him further, loves the flush that it brings to his cheeks, but when Isak tips his head up, silently asking for a kiss, Even obliges. Just like that. He has no chill when it comes to this boy.    

Even kisses him gently, silently thanking him for sharing his life with him. He’s thankful for the smallest of scraps from Isak, he just wants to get to know him. And he can’t help but feel that Isak opening up, even just this little bit, sends some pretty important signals to Even about how comfortable Isak is getting with him. How he’s starting to trust Even.

It’s a small step, but an important one. And Even can certainly recognise progress when it stares him in the face like this. He doesn’t even try to quiet the explosion of butterflies in his stomach at this realisation, instead he leans in to kiss Isak some more.

Isak deepens the kiss, makes it dirtier by adding his tongue and just like that Even has forgotten all about dinner.

 

 

 


	7. Sometimes it’s realising he might be in over his head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my fave chapter (are you even allowed to say that as the writer? Well, I don't care, it is...) and I hope you enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed writing it... ;)

**Sometimes it’s realising he might be in over his head**

Even isn’t a quitter, never has been. It’s always just been a part of him to stick things out for way longer than he maybe should. And he’s never been happier about this quality in himself when Isak really starts giving him the boyfriend treatment.

When one day, just like any other, Isak takes his hand out in public.

They’re waiting for the tram, it’s early morning and they both have lectures. Isak is impossible to get out of bed, and they came so close to being late, but at least they’re here now. Even knows that Isak expects him to be annoyed with him, like Isak does every time they’re late for something because of him. And that happens far more often than Even would like.

But how can he be annoyed with him when he’s standing here looking like _that_? His cheeks are flushed from the cold, his beautiful curls covered by a warm hat and he looks so tired and sleep-soft. And Even just wants to bury himself in Isak’s warmth, wants to breathe him in. He’s in way too deep already, he knows this, he knows that he’s miles and miles ahead of Isak. But he can’t help how much he cares for this boy.

Isak looks at him shyly, before he looks away, a slow smile stretching across his face. One that Even can’t help but respond to. And then he just reaches over and grabs Even’s hand in his. They stand there like that, holding hands, and Even is _melting_ inside. He tries to act casual and not give himself away completely, but it’s clear at the glances that Isak is throwing in his directions that he’s not really fooling anybody.

Or when one day, Even comes back late from work, exhausted and so fucking hungry. He smells like he’s drenched in coffee and sweat and he feels so gross that he’s completely undecided whether he should eat first or shower as soon as he’s home.

But when he gets there, his place smells amazing and there’s soft notes of music coming from the kitchen. He freezes in the doorway to the kitchen when he sees Isak standing there by the stove, stirring something boiling in a pot, and Even’s mind does not compute.

He must make some kind of noise, some kind of sound must escape his throat, because Isak turns around and _beams_ at him. He crosses the kitchen in three longs strides, puts his hands on Even’s cheeks and kisses him. All through this he’s still smiling, still looking so goddamn proud of himself. And Even’s not really sure if he’s even kissing Isak back, but he must do something right, because the smile is still on Isak’s face when he pulls back.

“Sit down, I’ve cooked you dinner,” he says and points to the small table in the kitchen that’s been set for two. With fucking napkins on the plates.

Even doesn’t know how to react. What to say. His mind is a blur of _what?how?when?_ but nothing leaves his mouth. Instead he just keeps standing there wide-eyed, blinking, staring.

Isak turns shy slowly. Looks like he’s losing some of his bravado at Even’s lack of reaction.

He carefully reaches for Even’s hand, just caresses it gently with the tips of his fingers and then he says, “It’s always you cooking for me, you know, so I thought it was about time that I did it for you.”

Goosebumps break out all over Even’s skin, and he flushes completely. From head to toe. And he stops thinking, just grabs Isak clumsily, fists his hands in Isak’s t-shirt and pulls.

His lips finds Isak’s immediately, and he wishes it could be sweet and gentle, to convey to Isak how nice he’s being, how much Even appreciates it. Instead he opens his mouth to it immediately, pushes his tongue into Isak’s mouth. Crowds him up against the kitchen table and kisses him like he might die if he didn’t.

It takes a while, and in the end it’s Isak who reluctantly pulls back. Even chases his lips but Isak just pulls him into a hug instead. Even is ready to go, is ready to just throw Isak down on the chair and sit on his dick, he’s so overwhelmed with this gesture from Isak.

But Isak seemingly still has his wits about him, and even though he’s laughing and sounds so contagiously _happy_ , he still manages to stop Even’s advances.

“I haven’t spent the last hour cooking for you for it to burn on the stove now.” He tries to sound stern, but he’s failing due to him smiling too hard.

He gently pushes Even away and down onto a chair. He leans down to peck Even quickly and says in a low voice that goes straight to Even’s dick.

“Eat first. Then shower, and then we’ll continue this.”

And it’s the best fucking meal that Even’s ever had in his entire life.

Or when one day, Isak comes home to Even a little bit high, drunk and horny, and Even lets him into his bed happily, enthusiastically.   

Afterwards they’re lying on Even’s bed, slick with cum and sweat, still trying to catch their breaths. Isak is lying in Even’s arms, on his chest. He somehow finds comfort in listening to the beat of Even’s heart and Even finds it so endearing that he lets him. Even though it’s not completely comfortable for him. But he can’t really find it in him to care when they’re this close.

And then Isak surprises him by saying, “I’ve never had it as good as I do now. As I do with you.”

And he says it so apropos, like he hasn’t just thrown this bomb that completely rearranges Even, shifts his entire system. Even wants to say it, can feel _the_ three words burn on his tongue, on his lips, but he’s so afraid of what Isak would do if he told him. Even _knows_ that Isak isn’t ready to hear them yet. But Even is so fucking ready to say them. He loves him. He really does.

Instead he opts to pull him in closer, envelops him in his arms and kisses his forehead.

Tries to show his love in other ways than what words can do.

 

 


	8. Sometimes it’s trying to pretend that you’re the safe option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi peeps! So the next update will be Monday and the last chapter will be up on Tuesday. :)   
> Just a fair warning, so you're not expecting any new chapters during the weekend... 
> 
> Okay, enjoy! :D

**Sometimes it’s trying to pretend that you’re the safe option**

Even can sense him there, standing in the door, hesitating for some reason. Even pretends he hasn't noticed him. Let's Isak decide his next course of action for himself.

He knows what he wishes Isak would do, wishes that Isak would be comfortable enough around him to just come over to him, put his arms around him, and look over his shoulder at what he’s making.

He’s just quietly putting coffee into the coffee maker, patiently waiting for Isak to make a move.

But as the seconds tick by and Isak isn't moving to do anything, Even finally turns around. And what he sees makes his throat tight.

Isak looks so indecisive. His body is turned so he’s only halfway inside the kitchen, and if Even didn’t _know_ it would be impossible to look at him and see whether he was coming or going.

“You know it's totally okay for you to come over here and touch me, right?’ Even says teasingly, trying to keep the tone easy, trying not to make light of Isak's apparent anxiety.

“I just wasn't sure whether you wanted me to,” Isak says and looks sheepish about it.

Even can't have that. Hates that somebody has treated Isak so bad that he doesn't even know that it's okay to touch his boyfriend first thing in the morning.

Even lets coffee be coffee, just leaves it without a second thought and goes to Isak.

He pulls him into his arms immediately, hugs him real tight and kisses his temple gently. He wishes he could reach inside him and take away all his insecurities, wishes he could wipe away the wrongdoings of others.

But he'll take this. There isn't a version of Isak he wouldn't want. He’s absolutely sure of it.

Instead he tilts his head so he can speak right into Isak’s ear.

“You can always touch me. Always kiss me. I can't imagine I would ever not want that.”

He probably gives himself away too much with this, but he doesn't care. He wants Isak to understand that Even is not like the others. He's not going to leave.

But he doesn't even have time to get nervous before Isak hugs him back, almost clinging to him.

Like he's giving into it as well.

And Even is so happy he could burst. He’s so gone on this boy, just wants to make him feel safe and loved. Wants to make him feel worth _everything_. Or at the very least something.

He leans back and kisses him. Makes it mean something. Pours his heart and soul into it, and from the desperate way Isak is holding on to him, the high whine in his throat, it feels like Isak can feel it. Even doesn’t stop until his stomach makes a loud sound of hunger. They pull back at the same time, laughing. And Isak looks shy about it, so Even leans in again to give him one more kiss. And then one more. Just because.

But this is definitely worth a delayed breakfast he can't help but think, as he leaves a dazed looking Isak behind. The best kind of Isak there is. Even still can't believe he can have this effect on him. He fucking loves it.

He can't stop smiling as he finishes making coffee and grabs bowls and some cereal for them. His smile doesn't get the least bit smaller when Isak reaches out and takes his hand.

And they sit like that for the rest of the meal. Even quickly gets real good at eating with a spoon with the wrong hand.

\--||--

Sometimes Even catches himself staring at Isak. Wondering if Isak knows too, if he remembers. Even can’t help but think that he doesn’t, kind of hopes he doesn’t, and he can’t bring himself to mention it. He’s afraid of what Isak might do if he discovers the extent of Even’s obsession.

The thing is. The _thing_ is…

Even remembers him.

Even remembers seeing him on the first day of his third year at Nissen, looking alone in a group of friends. How he looked so out of place. Beautiful, but wary. And Even had been drawn to him immediately. Had wanted to know him, know everything about him.

He watched on the sidelines how Isak’s life seemed to turn to shit. But he somehow remained dutiful at school, always top of his class.

Even saw him slowly losing touch with his friends until he was sitting by himself at lunch. Until later when he was surrounded by another kind of people. People who seemed like they weren’t really his friends, but included him nonetheless.

He watched the bags under Isak’s eyes turn larger, more purple, like he wasn't getting enough sleep. And Even couldn’t understand why it seemed like he was the only one seeing how fast Isak seemed to be deteriorating. Couldn’t quite fathom that Isak somehow managed to convince everybody around him that he was fine.

By the time Even left Nissen at the end of the school year, Isak was seeing some older guy. He sometimes came and picked Isak up after school and Even couldn't help but look. And notice. How Isak didn't always look happy, how he sometimes held himself like he couldn't stand up straight.

And Even shouldn't want Isak after seeing these things. He really shouldn't. But he did. He was so infatuated with this beautiful boy that he had a hard time staying away. Constantly fighting himself the entire school year to stop noticing him, to not initiate contact with him. But he had to. His own life had been spiralling out of control for a while, and this was his chance to get it right again.

So he kept his head down, stayed with Sonja even though they had already grown apart by then, and did what he had to do to graduate.

But he wanted. And that want settled in him, made him never forget.

Isak Valtersen. The boy with the greenest eyes, brighter than anybody at that school. Even used to wonder about him.

He doesn't anymore.

Now he knows.

 

 


	9. Sometimes it's like a punch to the stomach

**Sometimes it's like a punch to the stomach**

Even takes another look at his phone, just to make sure he got the address right. He looks up, trying to find the window of the apartment he’s visiting, but he just can’t believe it. That Isak lives here.

There’s no buzzer on the door to the stairs, so he just walks right in and carefully walks up the few flights of stairs to Isak’s apartment.

He stands in front of the door for a while. Trying to work up the energy to do this, set himself in the kind of mood that this visit demands of him.

He should be excited, he’s finally seeing Isak’s place. But he hopes with every fibre of his being that the inside of Isak’s place is better than what’s going on outside. Because he feels like he might catch something just standing there. The stairway smells like urine and everything is so grey and run down that it makes his skin itch.

Finally, he takes a deep breath and rings the bell. It’s only a few seconds later that Isak opens the door, and he looks so happy to see Even that Even somehow manages to forget his surroundings and just focus on Isak.

But when he’s inside, looking around, he feels horrible again. He can’t believe that Isak lives here. He can’t believe how anybody can live here.

Beside the condition of the apartment, which is basically abysmal, the walls are completely bare. There’s barely any furniture in the apartment, just a small bed, a bookcase brimming with books, a chair and a small table. A small outdated TV is placed on top of a few books stacked against the wall, and Even wants to _cry_. He wants to scoop Isak up in his arms and take him home. Never to return again. It makes his heart hurt to think about Isak living here, spending his time here. This is no home. This is barely a place to exist in.

Isak is looking at him expectantly, but Even can’t find any words, doesn’t know what to say. He can’t bring himself to say anything nice about this place. How is he supposed to react to this?

He focuses on the bookcase instead, studies the books for a few long seconds before he realises that they’re all school books. There’s no worn copies of “The Hobbit” or “Harry Potter” or anything that might give him a clue about who Isak is.

“I don’t know what to say,” he finally says. And he has to clear his throat at how wobbly his voice sounds, afraid that he might make Isak angry and pull away.

But Isak smiles gently at him. Nods and looks around the apartment like he’s kind of seeing it for the first time.

“I know it’s shit. I told you that your place is much nicer,” he says and looks so cute standing there, owning his shitty apartment.

Even can’t help but smile at him, nods back.

“You did tell me that.”

And Isak visibly relaxes at that.

\--||--

Later, they’re lying on Isak’s bed on their sides facing each other. There’s two cups of tea cooling on the windowsill and Even has forgotten how much he wants to go home.

Because Isak is talking to him. He’s almost afraid to _breathe_ , in case it makes Isak stop.

“I’ve never had anybody visit me here,” he says and Even doesn’t even try to hide his surprise at that, but his expression seems to loosen something up in Isak.

“You know it’s never been like this for me before. I’ve never been with someone like you,” he whispers and averts his eyes, like he’s telling Even a big secret.

“Someone like me?” Even whispers back, fighting to keep himself in check and not to sound too eager.

“Yeah.” Isak says and tilts his head to look at him again. “You seem to want me around, just for… for me.”

He sighs like he’s annoyed with himself and opens his mouth a few times like he’s searching for the words to say, before he continues.

“Normally guys talk about my pretty mouth or my blond hair or my tight ass, but when they’ve been with me, when we’ve fucked, it becomes pretty apparent that that’s all they want from me. They never seem to want to get to know me. Just… use me.” Isak says. No real intonation to his voice.

Like it’s nothing. Like that’s _normal_.

“That’s why I don’t do relationships anymore. Well, used to,” he says and smiles at Even. “It’s just easier that way, to just hook up. No expectations or consequences. Just sex.”

Even wants to hurt somebody. He’s flooded with anger at how people could treat this boy like that. But at the same time he’s never felt the need to be softer around him. He’s going to show him. Over and over and over. Just how much he’s worth. How fucking interesting he is, sex or no sex.

“You know I like having sex with you,” he starts, and Isak rolls his eyes, but the gesture is fond and Even relaxes a bit at it.

He breathes in to give himself a few seconds to sort out his head before he says, “But that’s not why I’m with you. Sure, I’m physically attracted to you, I’m not going to lie.”

And he pauses here to wiggle his eyebrows at Isak, earning him a giggle he wants to burn into his memory forever.

“But you have to know that it’s not just about that for me. Your mind and your personality just blow me away. You’re so goddamn smart, so much smarter than me, and when I kiss you and hold you there’s nothing else in the world.”

And it’s not like he means to be so cheesy. He just ends up like that, every goddamn time he tries to find words for how he feels about Isak. He’s afraid of the quiet these words leave behind, afraid that he’s said too much. But Isak seems to like it, he looks like he’s eating it up and he smiles at Even with bright eyes and flushed cheeks.

Even can’t believe it’s even possible for him to keep falling. Surely he has to hit a limit somewhere with how deeply he can fall for Isak. He just hasn’t hit it yet apparently.

 

 

 


	10. Sometimes it’s jumping and hoping someone is there to catch you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOO! Last chapter!!  
> Thank you so much to all of you who have read, commented and given kudos, every single one gives me life and makes writing fun! :D :D
> 
> A shout out to my wonderful beta Mornmeril, and the most awesome cheerleader a girl could have, Maugurt. You guys rock my world!! And without your joint efforts this fic (and series) would never have happened. <3 <3 
> 
> Getting inside Even’s head has been a good ride and I can’t wait to write his POV again. So I hope you all enjoy this last chapter. See you on the other side! :)

**Sometimes it’s jumping and hoping someone is there to catch you**

Even has decided it’s time. He needs to tell Isak now, or he’s afraid he’ll never find the courage to do it. And it’s not like he’s been keeping it secret on purpose, he’s just been waiting for the right time to tell Isak. At least that’s what he’s telling himself.

The truth is he’s afraid of what kind of reaction Isak will have to this. He’s afraid to drive him away, that he’ll realise that Even’s really not worth it.

But he has to know, has to find out if this relationship is stable enough for him when he has a fall out. When he starts slipping again. He needs to know if he can count on Isak when that happens. He decides it’s not really healthy for him to be so afraid of rocking the boat, to ask something back from Isak. He can’t live his life like that.

So that’s why Isak needs to know.

He sits Isak down at the kitchen table, which he realises he’s been calling theirs in his head instead of his. Isak is so much a part of this place for him now that it’s unimaginable for him to stop being here.

“I need to tell you something, Isak,” he starts and almost drops it when he sees the panic in Isak’s eyes.

Even swallows down his need to comfort Isak and his nerves, he almost feels like he’s dying but he has to tell him.

“I'm bipolar.”

And he’s met with a wall of silence. Isak just looks at him. Wide-eyed. Blinking. He doesn’t really look surprised, though, or scared, or anything. He doesn’t look like he’s really understood what Even has just told him.

“What do… you think about that?” Even says, trying to get some kind of reaction from Isak.

Isak surprises him completely when he smiles and looks away. But the smile isn’t a happy smile. It’s resigned, disappointed. And Even stops breathing.

“Of course you are,” he says and Even notices how Isak’s leg starts to jump, like he’s stimming.

“What do you mean?” Even asks and can’t help but frown at Isak’s reaction.

“You remember I told you my mom was sick, right?”

Isak’s voice is filled with venom and Even can’t stop the dread that spreads through his body like a disease.

“She has schizophrenia, like really bad. I used to take care of her while I was in school, trying to make sure she didn’t hurt herself, hurt others, or you know, hurt me. I used to lie awake at night because I was too fucking scared to fall asleep, afraid of what she might do to me if I did. Afraid of whether she was going to be there when I woke up.”

He’s still not looking at Even, but Even can’t look away. He’s simultaneously falling apart because he knows where this is going but he’s also hurting for Isak and his mother.

There’s a pause here. A pause where Isak stops talking and he looks like he’s deciding where to go from here. What to tell Even. And Even feels frantic, wants to tell him that he’s never been like that, that he’s never been that out of control.

But before he can open his mouth, Isak starts talking again. And this time his voice is hard as steel and his face is hardened with the mask he used to wear before they got together. Almost like the pause was spent pulling it to the surface again.

Even feels tears falling as Isak says, “I’m not going through that again. I’m sorry, but nobody’s worth going through that kind of shit again.”

And then he leaves. He doesn’t look back, doesn’t hesitate. Just walks out of Even’s apartment like he means nothing to him.

\--||--

Just like before, Even is counting hours. He started out counting minutes, somehow so sure that Isak would come back quickly. That he would realise what a mistake he just made by walking away.

But as the minutes tick by with Even sitting there staring at the clock on the wall, and Isak doesn’t come back, Even stops counting minutes and starts counting hours. He hasn’t given up on Isak though. Is still sure that he’ll come back at any time now.

He’s afraid to leave the apartment just in case Isak decides to return.

By day two he stops counting hours and starts counting days.

The apathy is starting to dissipate. And it’s slowly being replaced by anger one second and hurt the next. How could he just leave like that? The _one_ time Even really needs him, and he turns away from him? Even is so fucking furious he just wants to punch something. Does he not fucking feel what Even is feeling? Even was so sure… He was so sure that Isak was slowly getting there, that what they have (had?) is so right.

He’s going through the motions of lectures and assignments. Although he forgets to eat and barely sleeps.

By day 5 he’s in agony. He’s so sad he can’t stand it, is almost afraid that he’s slipping into a depressive episode the way his entire body is caving in on him. He tries to push waiting for Isak’s return from his mind, knows he has to start taking care of himself again, for him not to slip completely.

He starts cooking for himself again so he can start to eat regular meals, and goes to bed at a reasonable hour. Gets back on schedule. And thinks that maybe if he can do this, maybe then it will stop hurting so much, maybe getting control of this at least will make the wait bearable.

By day 8 there’s a knock on his door. And instinctively he knows who’s on the other side. Even’s never stopped hoping, always so sure that Isak would find his way back to him. So he hurries to open it.

Isak is standing there, looking sheepish, hesitant. His eyes are red like he’s been crying and he’s dishevelled to a degree Even’s never seen him like before.  

“I’m so fucking sorry for leaving you like that,” Isak says and his voice is quivering.

Even’s insides almost burst with how much he fucking loves him, he _knows_ , he understands how hard it must be for Isak to show himself being this vulnerable. So he does the first thing that comes to mind, he takes a few steps forward, into Isak’s space, and pulls him into his arms.

Isak clings to him desperately and Even can feel how his body shivers, like he’s trying to suppress that he’s crying. Even just buries his face in Isak’s neck, breathes him in, shushes him and revels in being able to hold him again.

“Welcome home, baby,” he says, voice muffled by Isak’s scarf.

And this feels so right. They feel so right.

Everything is perfect again with the world now.  

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry(notsorry) about this, but he needed to tell him... <3
> 
> I have more parts planned for this series, so this is not the ending. Part 3 is basically done and I have outlined 2 more parts after that. I hope you’re ready for more! :D

**Author's Note:**

> So because I’m a validation whore I would LOVE IT if you let me know what you think! Kudos and comments makes me write faster (true story)… xD
> 
> I’m always up for talking about Evak on tumblr, I’m [nofeartina](http://www.nofeartina.tumblr.com/) there as well. :D


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